I used to call the holidays Hoover Days...
What's Hoover Season or Hoover Days you might ask? This is the time of year if you have parted ways, were discarded or otherwise escaped from your narcissistic ex partner that they reach out. In order to keep yourself safe, sane and committed to your recovery you can't have contact with a narcissistic ex EVER AGAIN.
I am four years post narc relationship. I finally saw the 1 year anniversary of that person not contacting me or at least not receiving their communication. And yeah it's taken this long and this many steps to get here.
I write this so you know there is an end to it and that you can do things to help yourself during the process.
Understand that if they do reach out to you, it's not for your good. They're either bored, in between supplies, punishing their current partner, want to see if they can still get to you and/or are lonely. It never means their intentions are pure. Repeat that last sentence as many times as you need to because this time of year can bring about amnesia to the trauma you survived.
Here are my go to steps to preempt hoovering:
Block the Narc - Not just their number in your contacts but at the carrier level. Block from receiving any unknown/private numbers by activating this setting on your phone. They have a habit of using *67 in the hopes you pick up AND so that there is no proof they called you. Don't want a pesky screenshot with their number and date to fall into the wrong hands and put doubt into the new supply's mind. Plus you can't call them back.
Block the Narc on Your Kid's Phone - enough said.
Block Them on Whatsapp/Snapchat - Remember to hide their status updates too.
Delete Their Incoming Emails - Set your email program to delete, not just go to spam, any emails from all the email addresses you know that they have used. Prepare yourself, they'll create new ones. Don't read it, just delete it and add to your email block/delete list. Set your email trash bin to delete automatically.
Prepare Yourself for the Smear Campaign - You will have people you have never met HATE you. That will usually be the harem that's falling for his act, just like we did in the beginning. The narc will piece together fake emails, fake texts, fake call lists (I'm telling you because I've lived it) and show them to their harem. It's a quick way to get pity and protection from their supply.
They'll Pose as You and to Try to Ruin Your Name - They'll use your phone when you aren't looking and stalk their harem so the harem thinks it's you stalking them. Then the narc will get texts warning him that "his girl" is stalking them. Just one of the reasons why you're hated without them even knowing you.
Block the Harem and Friends of the Narc - The narc will use the devices of others or ask others to look you up. Block all the narc's friends that you know. I've been right next to my narc ex when he received photos of his ex girlfriend, the WOMEN he was cheating on me with from his buddy or female best friends. He couldn't get the photos because he was blocked but the friends were not.
Watch What You Post - If it even has an inkling about how sad you are, rethink and possibly do not post. You are indirectly feeding them or feeding the harem. BTW they'll probably think that every post is about them.
Don't Warn the Harem - They won't believe you. You'll look crazy. You'll be feeding the narc. Remember the narc has been grooming (manipulating) them for a while to ensure they hate you. They've been in the background the whole time.
Be GRATEFUL for the Harem - They are keeping your narc ex entertained, feed, sexed, pitied and all around distracted. They won't want you if he has them. BE GRATEFUL.
Make Your SM Accounts Private - If you can't, I won't because mine are for business, just know that they can still see your stuff. Mine slipped in a fit of anger that he keeps track of me and his harem this way. Just google "anonymous IG" and you'll get pages of websites that you can see anyone's public account info without being found out.
Turn Off Chat on Your Website - Yup I had to do this too. The rule is every crack they find, you plug up and stay strong.
Answer Your Gate Call - Don't let anyone in that you are not expecting. Have voice confirmation of who is calling to be let in. Every time. Thank goodness for this because narc ex showed up unannounced the night before I was moving. I suspect he saw my ONE post on IG an hour before showing up that I was moving the next day. WTF?! This is why number 11 is important to keep in mind.
Find New Places to Hang Out - Get out of the city, county, gyms, etc. that they frequent. Go hang out with the other 7 billion peeps on this earth. I finally had to move to another city and keep my address hush-hush for over a year.
DO NOT LOOK THEM UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA - Please for your own sanity do not go hunting. Leave them ALONE.
Stay safe everyone. Love yourself. You got this.
With all my love,
Experienced Registered Teacher 500-Hours